If you get literal with the text in Lost Mine of Phandelver and Dragon of Icespire Peak, it can lead you to some fun places.

For instance, the background section of El Mop states “Few survived the cave-ins and tremors, and the location of Wave Echo Cave was lost,” which led me to conclude that the Gnomengardians are likely descended from those who survived the destruction of The Forge of Spells.

Since I love running with loose threads, you can imagine my delight when reading through Doype for the umpteenth time, I came across this one:

“Reclusive and secretive, the gnomes craft minor magic items and useful, nonmagical inventions to pass the time. In these endeavors, their failures outnumber their successes.“

Gnomengarde is located in a wild magic zone, which could go a long way toward explaining why their failures outnumber their successes. At least that’s what I’d like to think. Beats the hell out of “move fast and break things.”

Sooo…what might some of those failures look like?

I’m glad you asked! Let’s do this:

Pallabar’s Pusillanimous Plate Armor: While wearing this armor, you have Advantage on Wisdom (Perception) checks and Dexterity saving throws. It provides the same protection as non-magical full plate armor.

Curse. The armor is sentient, with a strong self-preservation instinct. While wearing this armor, you have disadvantage on initiative rolls and must make a successful DC 10 Wisdom saving throw to control the armor’s impulse to avoid combat. On a failed saving throw, you can only take the Dodge, Disengage or Hide action when adjacent to a foe. At the end of each of turn, and each time you take damage, you can make another Wisdom saving throw. You have advantage on the saving throw if it’s triggered by damage. On a success, you wrest control of the armor until the end of combat. Whenever you start your turn with 0 hit points, the armor animates and flees with its wearer as if effected by a fear spell.

Dabbledobb’s Instant Outhouse: As a Magic action, you can place this 1-inch adamantine statuette on the ground and, using a command word, cause it to grow rapidly into a rectangular adamantine outhouse. Repeating the command word causes the outhouse to revert to statuette form, which works only if the outhouse is empty. Each creature in the area where the outhouse appears is pushed to an unoccupied space outside but next to the outhouse. Objects in the area that aren’t being worn or carried are also pushed clear of the outhouse.

The outhouse is 5 feet on a side and 8 feet high. When created, the outhouse has a single door at ground level on the side facing you. The door opens only at your command, which you can issue as a Bonus Action. It is immune to the Knock spell and similar magic.

Magic prevents the outhouse from being tipped over. The roof, the door, and the walls each have AC 20; HP 100; Immunity to Bludgeoning, Piercing, and Slashing damage except that which is dealt by siege equipment; and Resistance to all other damage. Shrinking the outhouse back down to statuette form doesn’t repair damage to the outhouse. Only a Wish spell can repair the outhouse (this use of the spell counts as replicating a spell of level 8 or lower). Each casting of Wish causes the outhouse to regain all its Hit Points.

Curse. The outhouse smells like a revolting privy from the Ninth Circle of Hell. For each round spent inside the outhouse, you must succeed a DC 10 Constitution save or take 1d4+1 poison damage. If the poison damage reduces you to 0 hit points, you are stable but poisoned for 1 hour, even after regaining hit points.

Delebean’s Doorknob of Disasters: The 7’x5′ outline of a door appears around any surface you press this doorknob against. Opening the door calls forth one of the following effects (see chart below). You have no control over who the effect targets.

The doorknob has one charge, which it regains daily at dawn.

Let’s be mutuals over on Bluesky! If you’re interested, I’m @ticklecorn.bsky.social. I always follow back.

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